Sadly, we reach the end of the line.Football has prevailed over Holland, and we can but reflect on the crazy 31 days of the world cup.
Aherm, we present for you the BOSQUES, awards dedicated to the serious and not so serious aspects of the tournament.
In no particular order then;
The Josimar Bosque for best goal.
Nominees:
A Giovanni Van Bronckhorst v Uruguay
B Brett Holman v Serbia
C Carlos Tevez v Mexico
D Maicon v Nth Korea
E Honda v Denmark
F Forlan v Germany
G Podolski v England
H Quaguiarella v Slovakia
I Suarez v Uruguay
The Bosque goes to Van Bronckhorst. Anything that recalls the long range classics of Rats, Aleihnikov and Josimar gets me more than a little excited. Nice way for Gio to be remembered rather than leading a team of street fighters.
The 'PATTI SMITH SOMETIMES LOVE JUST AIN'T ENOUGH' Bosque goes to...Diego Maradona. Who else? His motivational hugs, love taps and latino man kisses carried the Albiceleste to the quarters before running out of puff more abruptly than Mal Meninga's political career.
The Benjamin Massing Bosque for the crudest tackle:
Nominees:
A Felipe Melo
B Nigel De Jong
C Edi Ayew
D Mark Van Bommel
And the winner is...
B Nigel De Jong chose the biggest stage on which to showcase his martial arts prowess, stamping Xavi Alonso in mid air with the ball 3 feet away. He then enhanced his trash talkin' credentials by trash talkin' his team mates, presumably revving them up to follow his lead. Nice look.
The Retractable Testicles Bosque for defiance before sense sets in goes to FIFA, for bravely saying that the issue of goal line or any technology was 'not on the table' the day after Lampard-Gate before relenting and stating that the 'non discussion of technology would not be sensible' and the pearl 'the game is fast, the ball is fast so we have to help them'. Nice work FIFA.
The Ironclad Idiot Bosque has no nominees due to the utterly inept and shameless performance by the French national team.
The George Costanza Lord of the Idiots Bosque, following from the above, goes to Raymond Domenech. The less said the better.
The 'Nah nah nah nah' Bosque for the player left behind as his team faltered.
Nominees:
A Javier Zanetti
B Theo Walcott
C Esteban Cambiasso
D Karim Benzema
E Antioni Cassano
Winner: Joint winners, Zanetti and Cambiasso. The rampant display by Germany would not have taken place under the watch of these 2 warriors.
The Valentin Ivanov Kaartenfest Bosque for the Most Cards Issued goes to none other than Howard Webb, whose performance in the final made all Poms proud as he dished out more cards than Kenny Rogers. Says Webb;
"Not sure if I like this recognition. But the ***** didn't exactly make it easy for me. I thought that De Jong was an extra from Game of Death.."
Still, aspiring referees have a an Everest of a job to surpass Ivanov, who dished out 17 cards at the above referenced match between Portugal and (surprisingly) Holland in the 2006 quarters.
The You Had Me Before The National Anthem Bosque for the most noticeable fan.
Nominees:
A Larissa Riquelme
B Bobbi Eden
C Susana Werner
D Sara Carbenero
Pardon the expression but hands down, Larissa Riquelme has ensured her long term exposure to the world outside Paraguay with her willingness to spur on not only her countrymen, but the Spanish as well. Nokia and Blackberry are also rumoured to be patenting the handset pouch idea for all outgoing women wanting to keep the mobile but leave the purse and bag in the car.
The Aren't You ....? Bosque for the best doppelganger.
Nominees:
A Carlos Tevez = Ugly Betty
B Diego Lugano = Rocco Siffredi
C Javier Aguerre = Kenny Bania
D Raymond Domenech = Eugene Levy
E Ned Zelic = 50% Seth Green + 50% Alex Dimtriades
F Mesut Ozil = Marty Feldman
Sorry Carlos, but the resemblance quite frankly has taken our attention away from that South African runner who was thought to be a woman who wanted to be a man impersonating a girl...
Honourable mention goes to Mesut Ozil, who proved to be anything but wide eyed.
The Thanks But You Can Go Now Bosque for the best return to normal life goes to Paul the Octopus. Despite his ability to choose the result in 8 consecutive world cup matches (at odds of 125-1), the poor pulpo is destined for a life of being pointed to more times by snotty children than Dennis Walter in Bourke St as he endures a life of no sleep as the staff at his aquarium wake him for a tip on the 5th at Randwick or how many drunk tourists will be skewered at the Run of the Bulls at Pamplona. A victim of his own success, Paul will face the skara as soon as a new oracle with less maintenance issues renders him surplus to requirements.
The best channel on earth award goes to SBS, whose sins of engaging the services of Los Trios Korakes, Kevin Muscat and the relative absence of Martyn Tyler are far outweighed by the perfect scheduling and replaying of games. The Santo, Sam and Ed Cup Fever show was the dusting of icing sugar on top of the cherry on top of the frosting of what was a very, very, large and bountiful cake from which we all ate. World Cups are like sex, even a bad or average world cup is far far better than none (the analogy stops before the 4 year frequency though). News of a new Working Dog production on the back the show's success makes us all moist in anticipation.
And so we move on to the froth and bubble that is the European transfer market, the season itself and eagerly to the Champions League, Euro qualifiers before the draw in December for the 2018 and 2022 world cup hosts. May we be favoured and may the infection that almost all the world has caught be spread to places like Mt Isa, Koolyanobbing, Rooty Hill and Coffin Bay. Australia can host the greatest sporting event. If we do, I'll be 52. Only 4,300 days or so to go.
GP
